why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize