Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
How's work?
Spinning.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
