I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The Olympian is in my bed
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
