Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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