Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
