Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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