No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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