I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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