Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
