Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
