oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
stop calling my apartment porn island.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
