I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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