Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm determined to sit on that face.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
