just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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