I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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