Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize