who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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