There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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