I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
