I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
