i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We left the knife in your bed.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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