Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
