Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My bed smells like the plague
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
