Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
