And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
