it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
