Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
