Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We talked him into tasing himself.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
