I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So here I am, sexting at work.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
