Got a toothbrush?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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