I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
