Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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