you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
