My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
