god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
