My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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