anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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