She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
