Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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