im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
