i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
