I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
