all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
