One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
