And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
