According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
