I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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