Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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