We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize