just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
