That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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