Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
