My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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